LIFE is all we NEED

Life. I sometimes think what does it mean. Like-- you know, until now, I can't really define what life is. Life could be either hard or easy. It depends on how you deal with it. Just like what Mae West said, 

“You only live once. But if you do it right, once is enough” 

I used to think that I haven't done it right, so I kind of thought that I needed my second life. I made too many mistakes, too many stupidities. But that what life is. Life is full with mistakes. I may not doing those great things in my life right now, but just so you know, I'm trying to. I really am.

I thought we couldn't change the line that God made. We couldn't change our fate. But actually we could. It could be better or worse. Again, it depends on how you deal with it. For example, you were offered a good chance of a lifetime, but maybe you said something that you didn't mean to, then voila, you lost that chance of a lifetime! Only in like maybe less than a minute, less than 10 words, you lost everything. That's how you change your fate to be worse, not to be better. True story, cause it happened to me-- like, literally happened. No lies.

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And when we have a problem in our life, there's only two options in our mind. Face it. Leave it. "Leave it" actually means "avoid it" and that means "go kill yourself!". We can never runaway from our problem. We can't. The farther you run, the closer they come. Those two options should be face it and solve it. Just like what my mom used to say, 

“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.”

Because you know, those problems we have, cannot be solved by itself. It should be solved by us. You will not be happy until you finish something that you started. Like you will not be happy until you solve the problem you made. Well, let say that you will be haunted by them. Again, true story. Again, it happened to me.

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Ha! Seems like my life is full with problems. But yeah, thats my life. I did too many mistakes in my life which makes me sure, that, I'm going to learn something new. Because life is a gift that was given by God. A gift that should be taken care by us. A gift that is not everybody can have it, cause there are million people dies everyday. So, live your life in a good way, and be thankful to God to give you this life, and people around you cause without them your life will be so empty. nothing.

Singapore 2011

Last year, I went to Singapore. Actually I went there, just because I wanted to see The Lion King, since they weren't and aren't coming here :( I stayed there only for 3 days. It was a good trip though! :) and I miss Singapore already :/ So now, I will just post some pictures that I took when I was there! There you go..

Being Teenagers? Being Fun! :)

So, I was just hanging around the city with my friends-- and it was so fun! I had a lot of fun! Gani&Hasbi came at my place around 7pm. We were just chilling out at my place, eating, and oh well, sort of gossip-ing haha. Maudya came around 8pm, to pick all of us up. That was an awesome night! So I decided to film it, and there you go! :)

                                                                   xx,

Zulfa

Un-send Letter

When it happens, it feels like I'm dying. I feel so lonely-- like I don't have anyone around me. Friends are special. Best friends are everything. Even losing a best friend is worse than losing a lover. You know why? Because friendship is kind of a special love, that is not supposed to be fade. Sometimes there is no huge fight that marks the end of friendship. You know, sometimes it just falls apart for no good reason. Even some reasons that doesn't make sense. Or because of the distance. New relationships. New priorities. Because as we get older, these things can be more important that our connection. They shouldn't be. But they do.

But it is not what's happening to me. I even still don't understand. I have been told that I need to get rid of this bad behavior. I mean-- I know, that uh-- I should not be doing this. Like, I can't keep everything. I need to learn how to let go something that we care about. But yeah, it is not easy. But oh well, I'm trying. But you know, you make me feel guilty as fuck dammit! Tell me what did I do, then you do your own thing, then I'll do mine. I don't care if you don't even want to talk to me. Oh well I do. But fine, do what you want, I'm not your mother so I have no right on you even if I care. But fine.

You might never read this, but if you do, I want to tell you that I'm sorry for everything I did. I really am. It's uncomfortable having this silent treatment with someone who used to chill out with me, who used to tease me, and talk to me. Well, once again, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Dear M,

It's been months since I don't hear anything from you. It's been months since the last time we talked. I know, I left you, I might hurt you with every single words I said. I know I was stupid, I was being so damn selfish. You promised, you would always behind my back no matter what. You promised that you would be there for me even though everything has changed. You promised you always support me in everything I do, no matter what happened between us. Damn it, M! Can you just please keep one of your promises, can't you?

You are one of the those three friends that could change me in a good way. You made me do things that I never thought I could. You were always there, you used to listen about my story, you are the only person who always be there to support me in everything I do. Even though sometimes you might think that I was crazy.

You are my best friend. You really are. I never want to lose you. But I dumped you. I know, that was the stupidest decision I have ever made. I know, you have never expected it before. That thing, crossed my mind a day before I left you. Then, I think that was the best decision. But I was wrong. I wasn't thinking about it clearly. I love you, I do. You are the best guy friend I have ever had, until something happened.

Something that I never thought I would. Something that I never thought could happen. Something that I hate to face it. Something that I never wanted to have it. I was in love with you. I really was. I don't know if you felt the same? We talked, we laughed, we shared happiness, sadness, we shared everything, except, feelings. I wasn't sure what you felt about me, I'm not sure until now.

You became a very sweet person I've ever met. You were really super sweet. And I loved that. Remember when I sent you something, and you response was "My Zulfaaaaaa thank you so much! That was the best thing I've ever got! I will save it forever". My question is, do you still save it? Do you see it when you think of me? I don't know. Remember, when you said "I know you can do it, Zulfa. I believe in you". And those words, made me do things that I never thought I could.

I love you. I miss you. Us. I know, I shouldn't have those feelings. But now, don't worry, I don't have it anymore, I hope. Yeah, I hope I don't. Where are you? Why are you doing this silence treatment? Why are you making me feel so bad? Why are you avoiding me? Why? All I wanted to say is, SORRY. I can't even explain how sorry I am. You are the best friend I have ever had. You are the best guy friend I have ever had. I need you. I need you so much.

I know you will never read this, but I hope, you know that I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry for being so selfish. I'm sorry, and I want us to be friend again. I am sorry.

Zulfa.